This April

I don't get it.
I never get it.
At all.

I can't understand why I still alive to this day.
After all those storms I've passed, after our fights, after my breakdowns,
all those things that I thought would've killed me from the start.

I survived.
and its 2020 already.

How?
I don't get it.
I want to know why.

But I also not wanting to know why.

Am I deserve all of this?

Yet, no matter how you tell me.

I never believe you.